My Motherhood Experience

 
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We have a baby!  Our journey that led us to our baby girl hasn't been an easy one--we had a few many bumps in our marriage, two very turbulent early trimesters, and one heartbreaking miscarriage.  It wasn't the worst of situations but it also wasn't the best.  The beginnings were rough but somehow my delivery went so surprisingly smoothly.  Within four hours, the epidural went in and a baby came out, a tad purple and smashed, but perfect nonetheless with rose-bud lips, grey-dark blue eyes, ten fingers, ten toes, and the sweetest cry that made you want to melt in to a puddle of happy-sappy mush.  

It's been a little over a month since I've birthed June and in that short amount of time I've learned more than nine months of newborn and child rearing books could've ever taught me.  I've learned that five minutes isn't just a measure of time but rather a pee break + a shower + throwing on a disastrously coordinated outfit.  I've learned that Nordstrom bathrooms (with nursing rooms) are the shiznit.  I've learned that nothing crushes my heart more than the sound of my baby crying.  I've learned that our friends can be so incredibly compassionate and caring.  I've discovered the beauty of white noise and the horror of loud noise.  I've discovered a whole new meaning to the word 'fun'.  And most importantly, I've learned that there is no greater love than the love I feel for this life Sean and I created together.  

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Every second spent with June is an amazing feeling that I would never be able to transcribe into words because those words simply don't exist.  This unconditional love I feel for her is unexpectedly and overwhelmingly powerful.  But as obsessed as I am about our little girl, I'm learning that I need to and I want to embrace and obsess over my artistic and entrepreneurial spirits because I love my baby, but I love me too.  Focusing on a career as a photographer gives me the space to create and honor my 'self-care' while helping me feel centered and strong in my role as a mother, wife, friend, and in my life overall.  Photography will be my passion and focus but my baby will have my heart and always remain my priority. 

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By no means do I claim to have figured this 'mommy-ing' thing out.  I'm still learning as I go.  I'm working when I can and loving all I can.  My greatest strength and relentless hope have been awakened by loving June.  June has taught me the capacity of my love which I am able to cultivate, translate, and share through my work.  I will never be the same person as I was before.  I will never be the same artist that I was before.  And for that I am grateful.

Thanks for reading!

xo,

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